Most people have first hand experience of the emotional roller coaster that accompanies change. The bad news is that the roller coaster ride of emotions is inevitable when we are navigating change; good news is that with knowledge of the emotional cycle of change, better strategies, skills, tools and support - we can overcome our natural tendency to give up, and persevere until we reach our goal.
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Have you ever started something with great enthusiasm and then given up halfway when you realise that it requires more effort, or is more challenging than you originally assumed? Me too! And so have many others.
What you, I and most people experience, is the emotional roller coaster that accompanies change. The bad news is that the roller coaster ride of emotions is inevitable when we are navigating change; good news is that with knowledge of the emotional cycle of change, better strategies, skills, tools and support - we can overcome the natural tendency to give up and persevere until we reach our goal.
The Change Curve
Most people are familiar with the Change Curve (sometimes known as the five stages of grief) which describes the emotional journey of people undergoing involuntary change - for example separation, death in the family, loss of job or another significant change. This applies when the change is brought about, largely by forces outside the individual's control, and the individual has to accept the changed situation.
The change curve indicates the emotional states that the individual undergoes in their change journey - denial, anger, rationalisation, acceptance and integration. This model is used widely in change initiatives, where the individual has to accept and come to terms with a changed reality, for example in a corporate reorganisation or in other situations described above.
When Change Is Voluntary
What happens when an individual is seeking change voluntarily? For example, when someone decides to quit smoking, or change some other entrenched habit...Or change behaviour deliberately in pursuit of a goal? Your experience tells you that this kind of voluntary change also involves an emotional roller coaster ride - however, it is not the same emotional journey described by the Change Curve.
When change is voluntary, the emotional states that the individual experiences are different, than when the change is involuntary. This emotional journey is better described by what is known as the Emotional Cycle Of Change. This model is based on the work of Don Kelly and Daryl Conner and is explained in some detail in a blog post by Daryl Conner [1].
Essentially, when an individual sets out to change a habit or behaviour voluntarily, they start with a reasonably positive outlook, known as uninformed optimism. This is where the individual has very high enthusiasm for the change, but is blissfully unaware (or has underestimated) of the challenges and road blocks ahead.
As the change journey continues and the individual tries to change their behaviour, reality sets in. The individual experiences several challenges and begins to realise the real magnitude of the task and the multitude of blockers and things that may go wrong. This knowledge impacts their motivation and the individual experiences a mindset that has been described as informed pessimism.
This second stage of informed pessimism is where most people throw in the towel, abandon their goal and revert to the original habit or behaviour. However, those who persevere acknowledge that the going is tough and usually figure ways to overcome at least some of the challenges. This slows down the loss of motivation, as indicated by the bottoming out of the curve.
We can visualise this bottoming out as a point of equilibrium - where the motivation and resistance are in balance. This equilibrium, while stable is not a desirable one - and the individual feels stuck in the rut. Externally, this may be seen as procrastination, and the chances of giving up remain high.
Those who persist and continue to identify and address the various forces of resistance will eventually see movement and experience what is best described as hopeful realism.This is akin to seeing light at the end of a long and dark tunnel - and usually accelerates the journey forward as the individual's motivation overcomes the resisting forces and propels them toward their goals.
There is still some risk here, when either overoptimism or overconfidence or simply our blindspots lead to resistance sneaking up again, and cause a slide back and down the emotional curve. Those who avoid these traps and keep their focus soon experience the mindset described as informed optimism. This is again a familiar feeling - the enthusiasm and spurt of energy we feel when we realise we are in the final stretch, and see that our goal is within reach.
The emotion we experience when we accomplish our goal (successfully change our habit or behaviour), is one of feeling content and fulfilled. For most successful people, this is the state that recharges them, replenishes the emotional capacity and motivates them to pursue new goals. Those who habitually quit at the earlier stages of the emotional cycle of change, experience this emotional state of completion, contentment and fulfilment less often, and accordingly have less motivation to pursue new and more challenging goals.
Putting this knowledge to use
As you can see, a knowledge of the emotional cycle of change, and accessing the right strategies, skills, tools and support can help us overcome resistance when it matters most, persevere in the pursuit of our goals and enjoy greater success more consistently.
While it is certainly possible to learn and try and use these insights on your own, be prepared for several rounds of trial and error and the tendency to slip back into your default processes - which feel more natural and comfortable. One alternative is to work with a mentor, coach or even a friend or partner who is capable and committed to supporting you as you experiment, learn and internalise this knowledge and use it to execute better.
The 12 Week Goal Achievement Program
While I have helped several clients use this model in one-on-one engagements as their coach, I realise that engaging a coach is not an easy decision - either because it is beyond your budget, or because you are not quite sure that coaching will help in your context. This realisation, coupled with my mission (to make a significant positive change in the lives of at least 100K people by 2020) motivated me to develop a new model - one that will allow more people to try this approach.
We call it the 12 Week Goal Achievement Program. It is a complete system that is designed to help you achieve your most significant goals faster and more consistently. The 12 Week Goal Achievement Program is a fixed duration short-term group coaching program. You will be part of a small group (max 50) of highly motivated and committed people, all of who are working to achieve one of their most significant goals in a focused manner within 12 weeks.
Enrolment for the next batch of this program (starting 07 July) is currently open. To know more about this very affordable yet powerful option to address a significant goal that you are currently struggling with, please visit our website and sign up for the 12 Week Goal Achievement Program.
References
Change is easy when people like it. Right? by Daryl Conner via connerpartners.com (accessed 29 June 2017)
