Effective listening is a skill leaders must hone. Here we share the one tip that can instantly make you a better listener and therefore, a better leader.
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You've probably listened to more expert advice on active listening than you care for. So this piece is not going to be another laundry list on the same. In fact, this post is about the one tip that I have found most useful in improving my listening skills: before every important conversation, take a few moments to listen to yourself.
That's right. This one actionable piece of advice from William Ury has worked more in helping me listen better than all the books, articles with long lists of tips and courses I have attended. In his words,
"I believe that if we listened truly to ourselves first, we would find it easier to listen to others" - William Ury
Fact is, that the reason we find it difficult to genuinely listen to others, is that we have too much on our mind. So, before an important conversation, taking a few moments to listen to ourselves ( or see whats's on our mind if you are a visual person) is useful. For me, it is asking myself questions like:
What am I expecting out of this conversation?
What am I excited about?
What am I worried about?
"I believe that if we listened truly to ourselves first, we would find it easier to listen to others" - William Ury
You will notice that it is all focused on myself. That might seem selfish - but that's really the point. If I truly listen to myself, acknowledge my own thoughts and feelings going into this conversation, I am free to fully focus on the other person during the conversation.
While emptying our mind before the conversation can make us better listeners, it is not unusual that our mind wanders during the conversation. This is a consequence of the fact that we think much faster than people usually speak. Usually, this makes our mind wander. If you can train yourself to use that spare bandwidth to enhance your focus and attention to the person before you, the results can be amazing. Usually this means focusing on not just the words, but the tone, the body language and other non-verbals.
That you already know. The practice that I have found useful (reflective practitioners will recognise this as a kind of reflection-in-action) is again, focussed on the self. It is checking in periodically with yourself to see what you are thinking and feeling. And to acknowledge these thoughts and feelings and to remind yourself about your intent with respect to the present conversation and bring your focus back on the person in front of you.
In summary, you can get better at listening if you take some time to reflect - both before the conversation to listen to yourself and during the conversation to be more aware of your thoughts and feelings.
If you would like to know what William Ury has to say about listening, this TEDx video is a great place to start. In this talk, he shares a couple of interesting stories that will further convince you why listening is a skill you would do well to develop.
