Sticks and stones may break one's bones but words can do a lot more damage. Are you guilty of saying these phrases to your team members?
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Whoever coined the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." was guilty of underestimating the power of speech. Words have as much power as weapons, if not more. After all, the pen is mightier than the sword. Therefore, as leaders, one should pay a great deal of attention to what one says to one's team members. What you say and how you say it, can make an enormous difference to the team's job satisfaction levels, productivity, engagement, etc.
There are however, some phrases, which seem, on the surface, to be harmless but which can actually cause major damage to the fabric of your team and its individual members. Many of us are guilty of unconsciously saying these phrases (or versions of them) and thereby unintentionally harming the team's functioning. By becoming aware of these toxic phrases and avoiding their use in your daily interactions with team members, you can ensure that you play your part in motivating and engaging your team to put their best foot forward everyday.
1) "You have to do this because I'm telling you to."
Leaders need to be assertive, but not at the cost of being seen as aloof and non-transparent. You should allow for questions that enable you to show how your request(s) are in line with the organizational goals or mission. This will not only ensure greater buy-in but also allow team members to handle the request with a greater understanding of the bigger picture.
2) "Look at him/her. He/She is so much better than you."
Don't try to motivate someone by portraying others in a better light. If you do find an area where a certain employee is lacking, schedule time for a one-on-one that can allow you to broach the topic of poor performance in a more private manner.
Also Read: How to Conduct One-on-Ones that Actually Matter & Help Employees
3) "I don't have time to listen to you now."
Always try to carve out time to listen to your team members. Constantly saying phrases like "I'm busy," or "I can't speak / listen right now," will discourage them from approaching you if things go wrong. If you really are too hard-pressed for time, schedule to catch up later that day or the following day.
4) "Leave it. I'll just do it myself."
Every time you step in and take over a task that was assigned to your team member, you are giving up a chance to coach and mentor them. Instead, let them do the tasks themselves and provide feedback upon their completion.
Also Read: Do you have what it takes to be an effective mentor?
5) "Don't try anything new or fancy. Just do it like how it's always been done."
Discouraging creativity and innovation at the workplace is a sure way of ensuring the untimely demise of an organization. If you say this enough times, you'll sure enough prevent employees from harnessing their creative potential and testing out radically innovative ideas that could work wonders for you.
6) "I told you so."
It's great to be right but it's never acceptable to pass off the blame onto others. Leaders have to share the bouquets and the brickbats. Saying "I told you so," may make team members feel as if you are washing your hands off them (and their mistake) and that their captain has abandoned the ship.
7) "Got it?"
When somebody in a higher position of authority (such as you) asks a junior member of their team if they understood something, chances are most would nod yes, even if they didn't fully comprehend the instructions. Instead of leaving it to chance or luck, make it a habit to summarize the key takeaways and main instructions at the end so as to get everybody on the same page.
8) "I don't like it either but we have to do it because of HR/Senior Leaders."
When you make such statements, you are showing that you are unhappy about certain changes and aren't fully on-board with the changes. This might encourage your team members to not fully comply and cooperate. Instead, you need to put on a united front and tell your team that while you do empathize with their feelings, they have a duty to oblige to these requests from the company.
